It is odd to no longer be regulated by the clock and the calendar, and it is interesting to see how quickly the confines of those mechanisms fall away. In retirement, it’s a running joke that you often don’t know what day of the week it is because there is little to distinguish one day from the next if you have not adopted a regular routine. It is frighteningly easy for hours and days to evaporate, and suddenly it’s Friday again.
I was very fortunate. I retired before age 62. This year I celebrated my 68th. It has truly taken those six years to unravel and to find rest and recovery from prolonged stressors not dissimilar to PTSD. I am certain that one’s ability to tolerate continuously stressful environments depends on a person’s nature and the coping tools developed in the early years. My family fractured when I was eight, and abandonment was carved into my soul. I grew up habitually seeking security and closely tied performance and productivity to worth. Those fears taught me to learn the “dance” of every new situation quickly, and an imposter was born.
I don’t want to live in those old patterns now that I understand them. I want to develop into the woman who throws her arms wide and joyfully embraces adventure and opportunity. So here I am today, developing this space and striving to relate with honest intention in a world that seems murkier than ever.
I hope my story resonates with others who will join me in growth, discovery, and telling our stories out loud, knowing that judgment will not be found here. When I leave this planet, I want to go out with a grand sense of who I am at my core and with a few good stories to leave behind.
Thank you for reading. Wishing you courage, clarity, and discovery until next time,
Carolynn
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